nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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