Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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