Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
