Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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