hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
