Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
