I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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