you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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