It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
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