if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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