You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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