listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
