whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
