If that was your dad, he is hot
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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