This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
