if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Randomize
