i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
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i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
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Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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