Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
