Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
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I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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