What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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