Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
