Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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