I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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