I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
