Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
