a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
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Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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