I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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