Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
