I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
