His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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