I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
