I think i peed on brittanys purse
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
