I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
