hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
How's work?
Spinning.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
