I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
