My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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