i think my tv is drunk
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
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Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize