yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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