In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I am mentally ready for anal.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
