I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
