Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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