the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
