totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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