I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
