I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
