i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
