This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
