You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You are a booty call, not a friend.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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