Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
