You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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