Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
