Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
