I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You smell like stripper and shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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