Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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