The best revenge is premature balding
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
