I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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