idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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