we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
