shes about as inviting as chlamydia
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
