their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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