Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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