You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize