Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
