shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
