I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
