You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
