What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
